I suffer from terrible gadget envy. No sooner than I've signed away my life for a new doohickey with silver flaps on, then the manufacturer releases their latest and greatest doohickeys with even shinier bells and whistles, leaving me with a terrible case of buyers remorse.
I must say my recent acquisition is my nokiaberry, super ceding my limping LG. I was ashamed of it I refused to take it out in public. I was even loathe to answer phone calls in the presence of another human being and heaven help me, I never, ever, under any circumstances left it on the table at the coffee shop! I was scared the greenery on the table might just decay by being in it's orbit and I might be asked to leave.
So Papa Bear (my dad) was inevitably going to acquire the Une Pomme Du Jour. It was only a matter of him deciding how many giga-gerbils he was going to invest in. And I jokingly add, if it came in a shade to match the paint colour of his car or his shoelaces. So he got a PommePad - in a lovely shade of silver to match his temples. But on a recent visit he was trotting around the place snapping pics of grandkiddies and so on and blah blah blah. But Mama Bear not to be outdone whips out her PommePad! And we're all like "Oi, what's going on here?". Insert head snap.
Allow me to put you in the picture. My mother is brilliant. She can get blood stains out of a cashmere cardie without so much as a furrow in her brow and whip up an entire 3 course meal with nothing but a few funny onions and a can of lentils. But electrified (as she calls them) objects are not her strong point. She only learnt to send an sms about 2 years ago, the earth paused on it's axis that day, I joke ye not! And she still keeps her phone switched off unless she has to make a call, whereby all the outstanding messages are delivered, her phones starts beeping like a mad thing and she promptly switches it off again out of pure fright! So you see why we were all so shocked.
Papa Bear also recently got one of those vowel phones. It starts with an ae(i)ou.......you know the one of which I speak? So now all his gizmo's can synchronise and he can now be tracked down anywhere on the planet to within a wombats armpit hair of the GPS co-ords. Yes, because he lives in fear of being lost. Well, I gather he must do because he's owned a GPS for as long as they've made them and he has a telescope bigger than his carboot just in case he's ever tricky to find. In fact you can now officially track him on other planets! If you ever wanted to of course. I think Papa Bear may be preparing for the Apocalypse but if that happens then we're all going to be vapourised anyway and nothing but the gadgets will remain I know this for fact. I've seen Wall-e! Disney can't be wrong!
To add insult to injury Mama Bear also had the latest up to date, fresh off the assembly line cellphone. The perks of Papa Bear getting an upgrade. How humbling to find out that your parents chat via Whatsapp and you can't be bothered to send an sms any longer cos your phone seldom has a pulse! Who are these people?
I too now have whatsapp and chat with both Mama and Papa bear on a regular basis. Mama Bear and I spell like dyslexic children (sodding teeny weeny QWERTY keypad thingy) whilst Papa Bear (being an Aquarius) spells like the Longman. But then again we all know he's hooked it up to his PommePad via blueteeth and the giga-gerbils are doing the typing anyway. Cheat!
Must also add that I noticed that everyone at church is no longer taking a bible. It seems the humble Word has been usurped by the PommePad. Must've seen about 10 people doing this?!?!? Is it going to become the norm? Hey, I don't have to explain myself to the Maker one day.
Moving on. Traded in my beloved green machine........Oh. My favourite colour is green. In 2008 I set about colour-matching all my gizmos. Phone, calculators, laptop, knickers, I tried for a green car but his majesty was thankful that our flavour of vehicle wasn't being made in green that year. Alas the blessed green machine took a tumble off the desk last year when in a moment I lost focus and was beguiled by a toddler. The green machine's brain was salvageable (now in a pretty black case that looks a little like the paint colour on my dream car, the Porsche 911 Carrera) but the heartbeat flat lined and resuscitation was going to be very expensive. So I wrapped her in her case and left her alone for a few months. I felt such guilt at handing her over at the pc shop. But the green machine is destined to become green waste and the salesman assured me that she was going to a better place. And now I have a new green machine that isn't green. Does the same job but I am taking longer to fall in love with this model. I do like the numeric keypad. Also helps that I no longer have to lug around my keyboard like a real spas. I hate the carpel exercises when you have to use the numbers on laptops. It always leaves me with a fit of Tourettes syndrome. Actually everything leaves me with a fit of Tourettes of late.
So I come to you tonight compliments of the A-Dell whilst my Nokiaberry snuggles next to my teacup making me feel human again. Also got a wireless printer. Where has that doohickey been all my life?
Now my giga-gerbils need a rest and I have a real book to nuzzle so Bon Nui.
