I think its terribly unfair. His majesty's body remains the same whilst mine has been driven to the brink ,both large and small. One of my argements with life (and there are many!) is that boy's just seem to have got the better deal. Let me list some motivating factors - no make-up, hair straighteners, tampons, bra's, hair-removal, plucking, bleaching, tweezing, fluffing etcerta etectera etcetera. Sure we get to bring forth life but the preceding list does sometimes make me reconsider.
I put on 30 kgs during my pregnancy. Eeeeeeeek! I am not proud of this but my body did loads of funny things I had no control over during this time so I am citing temporary mental-dissassocaition on this subject. Sure the cheese-covered first tri-mester wasn't exactly helpful but by the time I came to my senses the damage had already been done. Irreverisbly, I'm afraid. I have since learnt that stretchmarks are for life! Did anyone else know this and if so why didn't anyone bother to tell me!?!?!
But after the investment of the Mac-Daddy of all treadmills during my gestation I was able to keep the weight gain to within a fair range and was also able to waddle it all off after I squeezed out my sproglet! It took my a year but I lost the 30kgs and then some. Thankfully because I wanted to just die being unable to fit into my beautiful pre-preggers kit!
Then what with our move last year and the stress and panic attached thereto, I lost more weight. I am acutally smaller than I was before but what with the great "body-shift" that happend during incubation things are far less perky. I am now...............gulp...........drawn to the shapewear department in Woolworths. Before I would crave and covet something killer to wear in the bedroom. Now all I want to do is find something that will masqurade a muffin-top and hoist my boobs back to where they once happily resided. I would just love for my aunty in Canada to send me a Spanx for my birthday. I won't be offended. I promise.
I now find myself insisting on being on my back during conjugal grapplings. Not because I am a lazy shagger but simply becuase I can then suck in my tummy and my boobs will fall back and lie in vaguely their old position. I imagine I look like my former, firmer self. But I probably just look silly. I blame the media. It seems that Adele is the only accpetable earthling with an inch to pinch at the moment. The rest of us are relegated to looking like a badly packaged pork bangar.
And then yesterday I slid into and old pair of shorts and felt that familiar tightness around my derriere. I can't blame it on hormones as my week of ovarian servitude is over so I have to accept that I am just putting on the pounds again. You can't get skinny just reading the Men's Health Muscle Bible, you have to actually get off your bum and burn off some kilojoules!
Now where is that short-cut button again?
